THE LOST LUCARN
Anomalous Axiom Book 1

A deadly secret 148 years in the making… and he’s the key.

A terrorist attack stripped Aila Jani of her memories. Now, she finds herself piecing together a mystery that could cost her—and her people—everything. House Grey has survived… but for how much longer?

“You can’t take me from Earth against my will,” she asserted tentatively.

“I can. But I won’t,” Andru contradicted her. “You’ll come aboard my ship where we can talk privately. Then you can decide if you’ll stay here and let the Greys find you—because they will—or come with me.”

“Give me one good reason I should trust you, Andru.”

“You’re still alive,” he replied, “I’ve held your life in my hands three times now, and yet you’re still breathing.”

“Three times? I’ve only seen you twice.”

—

Aila Jani wakes from a coma with a scar on her brow and no memory of who she is or how she fits into the world around her. Everyone else knows something she doesn’t, and when a mysterious stranger informs her that her life is in danger, she must fight to regain her memories and uncover the truth about a dying people.

As she’s spirited away to the Lucent Nebula, Aila finds herself caught at the center of a startling political conspiracy that threatens to destroy her family and lead to a deadly war between powerful clans. As her pursuer closes in, she realizes that—in order to heal centuries old wounds and save the ones she loves—she must first uncover secrets buried in the past. Between the lies and the longing, Aila finally realizes Andru Logan doesn’t just have a secret… he is the secret.

Can she trust Andru, the enigmatic stranger who has vowed to protect her?

Just how far is their enemy willing to go to keep his secret and achieve his goal?

—

The Lost Lucarn, Book 1 in the Anomalous Axiom trilogy, begins with the mystery of who Aila Jani truly is, but widens into old government conspiracies, assassination attempts, and the bonds of friendship that transcend color, culture, or history. If you’re into origins of peoples, genetic peculiarities, and crystalline shapeshifters, Andru & Aila’s story is for you. Strap in for a forbidden love—with no spice, but plenty of yearning.

—

Chapter One

Jani dodged and weaved her way through the growing sea of pedestrians, ducking into a corner coffee shop as the shadow trailing her got closer. Whoever this person was, they’d been following her to and from work for the last few weeks now, but so far hadn’t done anything more than that. Although her daily stops at the coffee shop brought her a temporary reprieve, she knew that her shadow would be waiting for her when she emerged once again onto the busy London streets with her breakfast to complete her morning commute.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee enveloped her as she stomped the snow from her boots onto the already soaked mat, and a bright eyed young man looked up at her from his silver retro laptop with a smile. “Good morning, Jani.”

“Good morning, Lucas,” she smiled back, chatting with him as she waited in line for her turn to order. “How’s your writing coming along? Figured out how the hero rescues the princess yet?”

“Yes and no.”

“Come on, you know I need more details than that. What happens? What dark secret does he hold? Who stands in the way of their love? Will he slay the dragon?” she joked, holding the back of her hand up to her forehead and dramatically miming the stressful suspense.

Lucas raised a brow and playfully shrugged, “Well, now, if I told you that it’d spoil the whole story, wouldn’t it?”

Jani chuckled at his lighthearted response. Lucas was one of her neighbors, a young author who spent most of his time in this shop, downing copious amounts of caffeine and working on several different novels simultaneously. ‘It helps me figure out how the stories will go if I don’t focus too much on just one,’ he had told her when they’d first met.

Taking a step forward and moving up in line, she gave her usual reply, “Yes, Lucas, I suppose it would. Although I still don’t understand how you can type things out on that clunky old thing.”

“It’s not old, it’s retro. There’s a difference,” he insisted, “I bought it less than a year ago. I like the physical screen, and I like the way the keys click when I tap them.”

Jani shook her head, “Maybe you do, but I think I just saw a couple of people leave from the infernal noise you’re making.”

“Not everyone appreciates true art, Jani,” he said and went back to his clacking.

As she collected her triple shot espresso and croissant and made her way back to the street, Jani looked around. Nothing out there seemed particularly suspicious or out of place. Maybe today she should take an alternate route to the Museum of Interstellar History. Some of London’s narrower side streets might be easier to weave in and out of. At least then she could confirm that her shadow was, indeed, following her and not just some random person who took the same commute every day.

Turning south off of the main road, she took a quick right, then a left, then another right, putting her parallel to her usual route. Sure enough, her shadow was right there behind her, following along. ‘What is the deal with this guy?’ she wondered, and picked up her pace.

Within a few minutes, Jani jogged up the stone steps to the museum’s main entrance, greeted the security guards, and made her way to the small back office she shared with Nat. They were both anthropological experts in Lucarn culture and history, and they had just finished a four month long project with one of the newer classical period displays.

As much as Jani liked working with Nat, she didn’t want to talk with her today. It had been a mistake, telling Nat about her nightmares, but at this point she couldn’t very well take it back. Jani didn’t understand why her friend was so hyper-focused on it, and she sighed to herself as she heard her co-worker shuffling down the hallway and up to their office door.

“Morning, sunshine.” Nat breezed in, swept past Jani, and plopped her jacket and a paper bag with her bagel down onto her desk. “Any dreams last night?”

Jani tried to keep a twinge of irritation from her voice and replied pleasantly, “Nope. All was quiet, thanks.”

“Have you been keeping up with your journal?”

“Yes, Nat, but can we please focus on work? I don’t want to talk about that today.”

Nat paused and looked at her. “Sure… I just think that the sooner you remember, the sooner the bad dreams will go away.” Turning to her own display, she began typing in her access info. “I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again: Your memory isn’t going to return until you let it.”

Again, Jani found herself irritated with Nat’s intrusiveness. She didn’t even remember the terrorist attack that had destroyed the museum’s Lucarn exhibit and put her into a three week long coma. All she knew was that when she woke up in the hospital, Mal was there, telling her she was Jani and that he lived across from her in the old city apartments. Although she was hesitant to trust him at the time, he’d been quite insistent that she let him help her out and, having no other choice, she wound up letting him.

Ever since then she’d had nightmares. There were crowds of faceless people, all milling around, a sudden feeling of panic as the scene around her erupted in a blast of blinding light, and a sense of loss that ached so badly it pulled her to consciousness every time she dreamed. She couldn’t tell if it was a memory of what had happened that day, or if her mind was attempting to process what she had been told. Either way, she did wish that the dreams would stop, but it really wasn’t any of Nat’s business, and Jani wished she’d leave it alone already.

Exasperated, Jani looked up from her desktop, “Why do you care so much whether or not I remember anything? We work well together, don’t we? Has my amnesia affecting anything about my productivity in the last six months?”

Nat scrunched up her face and shot back defensively, “There’s no need to get snippy with me. I just care about you, that’s all. Sue me.”

“If I had a sister, I imagine she’d be just as much of a pest as you are, Nat.”

“How do you know you don’t have a sister if you can’t remember anything about yourself?” Nat raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

“If I did, don’t you think she’d come looking for me?” Jani countered, “According to you and Mal I’ve worked here at the museum for at least a year before the attack. Any family I might have must know that I’m here, and I haven’t exactly seen anyone coming to claim me, or gotten so much as a call.”

Nat frowned and looked over at Jani with an odd expression. Shaking her head, she returned her attention to her display. “I think you’re right,” she sighed, “We should just focus on work today. The exhibit is finally open, and Cade is on pins and needles waiting for us to get out there so he can pepper us with questions for his research report.”

“That kid must spend all of his time studying. I’ve never known anyone who wants to spend every day in a museum like he does.”

“Yeah, I don’t know aaaaaaaanybody like that…” Nat shot her a sideways look and innocently sipped her coffee.

“Alright, you’ve made your point,” Jani rolled her eyes and Nat smiled, satisfied that she’d gotten her to at least laugh at herself a little. Once both women were signed in and set up, they headed to the public area.

“So, Cade,” Jani smiled and walked up to a young man who had been eagerly waiting for them to come out to the exhibit, “Nat tells me you’ve got questions on questions. What can we help you with?”

“Yes, Miss Jani, I have several questions about the different clan Houses, in particular the reestablishment of the Grey line when the Lucarn administration began cooperating with the Central Government. Legal recognition was granted, what, eighty years ago?” Cade rustled through some of his papers and tucked them behind his digital notebook, then straightened up looking at her with a stylus hovering just above the tablet.

“Seventy eight,” Jani answered, “Lady Kitania Celeste and her Liaison not only reestablished a Lucarn population on the planet itself, but were successful in combatting other claims to ownership of the Lucent Nebula. It was all rather dramatic.”

“Right… seventy eight,” he mumbled as he scribbled down his notes. “Do you know if there’s some way to access the lineage records the Lucarn keep? I’d be fascinated to learn more about her family. I know very few of them are on record with the CG as official contacts—you know, mainly the Commander line—but perhaps the museum here has been granted access to some unofficial records?”

While Cade spoke, Jani’s eyes looked past him, then unfocused. She could swear she felt something, as if someone was watching her. It felt like her shadow, but she’d never known him to follow her outside of her commute. What could he possibly be doing here in her place of work?

“Miss Jani?” Cade’s eyes followed her gaze and he pushed his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. “Are you alright?”

“Hmmm?” she asked, and her focus snapped back to the present. “Oh, yes, Cade, I’m fine. Sorry about that. What were you looking for?”

“A list of the Lady Kitania Celeste’s descendants. As far as I understand it, the House Grey was almost wiped out entirely, and the Grey family tree that exists today all trace their roots back to her. I thought maybe the museum had some additional information, since the Lucarn have worked directly with you on the exhibit.” He looked around nervously, “Is anything wrong?”

“Not at all,” she smiled and straightened up, attempting to look relaxed and at ease. “The Lucarn aren’t very forthcoming with their genealogical records. It was part of their agreement with the CG that disclosure of such information wouldn’t be a requirement, outside of official governmental contacts and the identification of individual Lucarn living and working within CG territories, of course. They’re a very private race.”

“I see.” Cade swiped quickly through a few of his notes and continued, “Well, I have listed here the Lady Kitania Celeste, then her heir and the subsequent Commander of the Lucarn, Kiyl Mick Orso, but with the recent upset a new Commander has yet to be—”

“Kiyl Mick…” Jani interrupted, “What do you mean a new Commander?” Something stirred in the back of her mind. Of course the name would sound familiar. Kiyl Mick was widely known to be the current Commander of the Lucarn, but Cade was speaking as if he no longer held that position, and that didn’t feel right to her.

Cade’s countenance fell and a sadness showed behind his glasses in his hazel green eyes. “Kiyl Mick was killed in the terrorist attack on this museum… in the explosion that destroyed the Lucarn exhibit and injured you. Don’t you remember?”

He pointed to a scar on her left temple that stretched from her hairline to halfway over her eye. The injury she had sustained had left a sliver of her eyebrow missing and, although it was a very noticeable mark, she usually ignored the fact that it was even there. All it did was remind her that she’d lost a part of herself that she needed to get back, but was hesitant to rediscover, and she couldn’t figure out why.

“Actually… I think I’ll need to leave you in Nat’s capable hands for a little while,” Jani said apologetically, “I… I forgot something in my office and I might be a few minutes. Nat?”

“I’m here, Jani… You don’t look so good, are you sure you’re okay?” Nat asked and leaned in, concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t make a fuss!” Jani impatiently waved the girl back as she turned and started walking away.

When she got back to her office, she quickly shut and locked the door. She was keenly aware that her shadow was not only in the building, but had followed her to the administrative section of the museum, and she was beginning to panic. Normal visitors weren’t allowed access to this section, and theoretically shouldn’t even be able to enter it.

Jani held her breath and quietly pressed her ear to the door, listening. She heard muffled footsteps on the carpet just outside in the hallway, and she felt a presence now inches away from her face with nothing but the wood of the door between them, and it did not feel friendly.

Suddenly, the strange feeling lifted and the footsteps quickly moved away, with new footfalls replacing them. These were much quieter, but were swiftly approaching. The doorknob rattled slightly as someone tried it, then clanged more forcefully.

Jani’s panic mounted. Someone was trying to get in.

Chapter Two

“Jani? Jani! Are you in there?” Nat’s voice came through the door as she frantically tried to force it open, clearly panicking now herself.

Jani breathed out in relief and let her in.

“Jani, why did you lock me out? What just happened? Are you okay? Cade said that you were acting weird.” Nat anxiously questioned her coworker as she closed and locked the door.

“Why did you lock the door?” Jani asked.

Nat looked startled, “You locked it. There must be someone out there you want to keep away from. Was it that guy in the gray jacket?”

“What guy?” Jani asked.

“I’ve never seen him before,” Nat answered, “But while you were talking to Cade I noticed him staring at you. It was kinda creepy. Then you suddenly left to come back here, and when I looked up he had disappeared too. I was afraid that he might have followed you.”

“I didn’t see what he looked like,” Jani replied and sat down, “Gray jacket, you said?”

“Yes. He was about average height, white or platinum hair, but I couldn’t get a good look at his face from the angle I saw of him. I was hoping you did.”

“Sorry,” she replied absently, “I just needed a moment alone to sort through some things. Sorry to dump Cade on you like that, but something he said made me think…”

“What was it?” Nat asked, moving quickly to her chair, her expression changing in an instant from one of concern to eager anticipation. “Did you remember something?”

Jani didn’t want to answer her question, she wasn’t even sure herself if that’s what it was. She’d had some flashes of memory, yes, but it wasn’t much more than a face and a feeling. “Well, I’m not sure. Like I said, I need a moment alone to sort it out.”

To her extreme annoyance, Nat didn’t get up to leave, she just sat there quietly, her eyes fixed on her coworker, as if she expected something momentous to happen. “How am I supposed to think with you sitting there staring at me?” Jani complained, rolling her eyes and sighing in her agitation, “Go help Cade  with his research.”

“Cade can wait,” Nat said calmly, “If you’ve remembered something I think it might be a good idea if you shared it with someone to, you know, lock it in.”

Jani slapped her palms on her knees, pushed herself up, and moved to the door. “That’s what therapy’s for, Nat, and last I checked, you’re not my doctor.”

“Fine, fine. But that guy was shady.” Nat got up to walk with her, “At the very least, don’t go anywhere alone. I need to let security know that someone tried to get back into a restricted area and have them check it out.”

For the rest of the work day, Nat hovered as close to Jani as she possibly could, earning a few sharp words at the annoyance she was obviously being. All Jani wanted was some time to herself to think, but she knew she wouldn’t get any solitude until after she finished up at work and went home. She was relieved when she could finally say goodbye to Nat and retrieve her things from her locker. Pulling on her jacket and jogging down the entranceway steps, she thought to herself, ‘Aaaah… alone at last…’

“Fancy meeting you here.” Jani jumped, startled by a voice behind her.

“Oh, Mal. I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” she replied, slightly embarrassed at her jumpy reaction to hearing him speak.

“Eh, I was working close by again and thought I’d walk you home,” he said nonchalantly, “Got any plans for this evening?”

“None that include other human beings unfortunately,” Jani smiled, “Or should I say fortunately for me. I think a good soak, an instant dinner, and an early bedtime are in my future. What about you?”

“The same, more or less.” Mal hugged his jacket closer to himself. “Although I don’t know how you survive in a flat without a fireplace. Mine gets used all the time.”

Jani looked up at him as they walked. She knew Mal hated the cold weather, and she wasn’t particularly fond of it, either. He had invited her to his flat several times when he lit fires on especially cold nights, and although she never sensed anything more than a platonic interest, she didn’t know him very well. He acted more like a brother to her than anything, but she wasn’t ready to be alone with him, or anyone else for that matter.

In answer to his question, she began listing off all the things that helped her stave off the cold: “Well, there’s hot bath water, hot tea, coffee of course, fluffy blankets, jumping jacks, thick socks—”

“And the occasional nip ‘o brandy,” he interjected, putting on an awful Cockney accent and making a drinking motion with his hand.

Jani shrugged, “Yeah, I don’t have brandy in my flat, but I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

“You could always come over and raid my cabinets,” he offered, watching his breath crystallize as they walked along. “I don’t think it’s going to get any warmer for at least a few months. Maybe longer.” He pulled his cap down tighter on his head to emphasize his point, and his dark curls seemed to protest by falling over his big blue eyes.

Jani laughed, “You need a haircut. How long has it been, two months?”

“Yes, mother,” he retorted, his brows settling low on his forehead for a few seconds as he shot her a sideways look. “Longer hair attracts the ladies, or so I hear, and besides, how else am I supposed to keep my ears warm in these sub-freezing temperatures?”

“Now you’re just being dramatic.”

Mal looked straight ahead once more, and the smile disappeared from his face. “Speaking of drama, I heard there was some shifty character hanging around the exhibit at the museum earlier. What was that all about?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

Immediately Jani tensed up. She was well aware that Nat knew Mal, but didn’t know when during the day she’d have had the time to tell him about what happened. She hadn’t spent more than two minutes away from Jani, and she’d even followed her to the bathroom. “How did you know about that?” she asked nervously.

“Cade said something weird was going on,” he replied, “I met up with Lucas at the coffee shop for lunch, and he said Cade told him there was some stranger that followed you back to your office this morning. Do you know who he was?”

Jani faced front and rubbed her hands together. “Gee, I didn’t know my life was so interesting to you all.”

Mal looked back over at her, as if he was measuring something in her expression and in her voice. He knew she didn’t like nosy people, but he also felt  this was important enough to pay attention to. “So you don’t know why he was following you?” he pressed.

Abruptly, Jani came to a halt and turned to her right, looking directly at him. “No, Mal, I don’t. Do you?”

“What makes you think I know anything about him?” he asked, calmly meeting her gaze.

“That’s not exactly a denial, is it?”

“Look, all I know is that you were injured in a terrorist attack, you lost your memory, and so far not much has come back.” He took a step closer to her and lowered his voice to keep the conversation from potential eavesdroppers, “How do you know that someone, somewhere, doesn’t wish you harm?”

“What makes you think that anyone does?” she argued, then resumed her pace, “There’s literally nothing special about me, Mal, at all. If anyone wanted to hurt me, they’d have done it by now. I’m fine. It was just some weirdo. This is London, that kind of thing happens all the time.”

Jani wanted to be done with the subject, not just because she didn’t want to talk with Mal about it, but because she didn’t want to deal with it. Everyone around her seemed way more concerned with her regaining her lost memories than she was, and she couldn’t see why they wouldn’t leave it alone.

Their paranoia was making them see things that just weren’t there, and she was more than happy to live her life and continue her work as she was. Her memories would return when they returned. Why imagine some wild conspiracy over her? To her, it didn’t make any sense.

“Just be careful, will you Jani?” he sighed, “You might not think that you’re worth targeting, but someone else may. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean the danger isn’t there.”

“Yes, father,” she quipped.

“Jani… You’re such a handful, you know that?” Mal stood to the side as he held their old residence building’s door open for her.

“You’ve mentioned it several times,” she nodded and put on an obviously fake smile. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a clawfoot bathtub and I don’t want to be late.”

* * *

Jani pulled her robe tight around her and put her stockinged feet up on the small sofa, one of the few items that furnished her tiny flat. On the table beside her was a journal she kept at the recommendation of her therapist, where she took down little bits and pieces of memories that had returned to her.

Doctor Lamb had suggested an actual paper and pencil journal—she said something about feeling the words below your fingers and visualizing without using a tablet or a display, but Jani didn’t really feel much different, and she wondered if it would actually work. The hope was that it would help her put the pieces together and come out with something coherent, but so far, Jani hadn’t remembered much more than a few random thoughts, vague memories of places, or feelings associated with certain objects.

Today, however, she’d remembered a face. The moment Cade asked about the Lucarn Commander, the face came to her, clear as crystal. It was a man’s face, dignified, not quite middle aged, and handsome, with a few flecks of gray hair on each temple that accented his dark, wavy hair. Had his hair been longer, she might have thought that he reminded her of Mal, but that was ridiculous. If it was the face of the Lucarn Commander then the two of them weren’t even the same species, let alone related.

Jani said his name over again in her head, ‘Kiyl Mick… Kiyl Mick…’ Why did it feel so familiar? Perhaps she’d worked with him, or she’d seen him the day of the attack. He didn’t feel like a casual or a professional acquaintance, though. Somehow, he felt closer than that. The feature that had made her question herself were his shining hazel green eyes—they weren’t eyes that looked on her as a colleague or a stranger, he knew her… and he was disappointed in her.

She quickly sketched the face down in her journal and stared at his eyes—Kiyl’s eyes—and wondered what he could be so disappointed about. What could she have done that would have let him down so completely that this would be the expression she remembered of him? Because that was the overwhelming feeling she had. The longer she looked at him the more anxious she felt.

When a tear threatened to escape her eye, she slammed the journal shut. She needed to clear her head, so she put the book down and decided to get dressed for a walk. It was getting late, so she’d need to bundle up. Walking around London in January at 9:00 at night was sure to jar her awake, even if it was only the freezing cold that snapped her attention back to the present.

As she sat down and pulled on her boots, she heard the sharp sound of glass breaking in the hallway. A few moments later she heard what sounded like some kind of scuffle, but her doorway live feed never showed her anything more than static, and her peephole showed very little of the hallway. One of the overhead lights was out, though, the one just above her door.

Jani stood there listening for a long few minutes, but once the noise died down there was nothing else. Cautiously, she poked her head outside to see if anyone was there. Sure enough there were bits of glass on the mat in front of her flat, but no one was out there now.

As she tiptoed farther into the hallway, she noticed a light on, coming from underneath Mal’s door, and she heard voices. With all thoughts of her planned walk pushed from her mind, she carefully leaned in beside the door, listening.

Jani heard Lucas’ voice, quick and clipped, and laced with panic, “…can’t believe he got away! There are two of us and only one of him. How could he have gotten away so easily?”

“We weren’t exactly expecting him to show up here,” Mal replied, “Whoever he is, he must know that she’s not alone. It was poor judgment on his part.”

“Well, at least we know it’s the same guy. Gray jacket and all. What could he possibly want from her?”

“I don’t know, maybe he wants to finish the job. We’ll have to keep a closer eye on her.” Mal’s voice got louder, emphasizing his point, “He can’t get that close again! Bold little creep, too. He’s tried this twice in one day. Although I doubt he’ll be in the same jacket the next time he decides to try something. I need you to keep your eyes open.”

Jani heard movement within the flat and sensed Mal and Lucas both heading toward the door, so she quickly and quietly returned to her flat, locking herself in.

What the hell had just happened? It didn’t make any sense. Sure, someone had been following her, and he did seem to be getting bolder, but she still had no idea why.

Confused and concerned, Jani barred the door with a kitchen chair and lay down fully dressed in the silence, reviewing in her head everything that had happened that day. But the more she thought about it, the less it made sense, and consciousness blurred to darkness.

When she finally drifted off to sleep she was met with Kiyl’s face, disappointment in his eyes, and a blinding flash of light.

Chapter Three

When Jani left her flat for work the next morning, she noticed that the broken glass had been cleaned up from her mat. She’d decided to leave fifteen minutes early, figuring that if she began her commute at a different time from her usual routine, perhaps it would be enough to throw her shadow off, and she could avoid seeing Mal as well.

When the lift opened up to the lobby and she saw him at the mailboxes sifting through letters, she held back a hot wave of annoyance and reached down to tap the number for the floor her flat was on, but he looked up and waved before she could get to it.

“You’re up early, Jani,” he said, “Is everything alright?”

Unable to leave without making things awkward, the young woman stepped out of the lift and slowly walked toward the exit. “Yeah, why?”

“It’s not like you to leave for work before 7:30,” he said as he flipped through more of the mail in his hands, feigning interest in the flyers advertising the grocers specials for the week. “Something’s different today.”

Jani wondered how the man could stand there so cool and controlled, especially after what had happened the night before, but she didn’t want him to know that she had heard him and Lucas talking, so she tried to act normal.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she lied, “Figured I’d get to it before Nat today, what with the exhibit open and all.”

“As far as I know, you always get to it before she does. She’s not exactly a morning person, is she?” he commented casually as he put the flyers into the trash bin, shoved the other mail into his bag, and matched pace with her.

‘Great, there’ll be no getting rid of him,’ she grumbled to herself, irritated that he insisted on sticking so closely to her.

“You know, I am fully capable of walking myself to work,” she snapped, “I don’t need you hovering around me, thank you very much.”

Mal backed up, pretending to be hurt and threw his hands up in apparent surrender. “Whoa, maybe you could have used another fifteen minutes of sleep, if you’re willing to bite my head off over a gentlemanly gesture. Besides, what makes you think I’m walking you anywhere? Maybe I’m just on my way to the coffee shop to shoot the breeze with Lucas. I’m not working today and I need some hot liquid to thaw my face.”

Jani rolled her eyes at him, “You’ve been outside for all of thirty seconds, don’t be so dramatic.”

Looking down sideways at her, he chuckled, “You’re one to talk.”

Instead of replying, Jani just made a face at Mal and crossed her arms over her chest. For the first time in weeks, she didn’t sense her shadow following her, so she concluded that leaving earlier was the thing to do. ‘It’s better not to be too predictable,’ she mused.

“Where’s Lucas?” she asked as they walked into the coffee shop. There had never been a morning when she hadn’t seen him there, sitting in his usual chair in the corner by the fire, typing away on his shiny silver laptop.

“Who knows? We are fifteen minutes earlier than usual,” Mal pointed out, “Maybe he’s still on his way.”

“I guess you’ll have to stay here and wait for him, then,” she replied hopefully.

“There’s plenty of time for me to walk you to the museum and make it back before he gets here.”

Jani scowled behind Mal’s back as he stepped up to the barista to put in his order, and she didn’t say much else for the rest of their walk. When they arrived at the museum she tersely thanked him for his ‘gentlemanly gesture’ and left him on the curb, grateful to be rid of him.

Fully expecting to have a good quarter of an hour to herself, she frowned when she saw Cade and Nat huddled together near the entrance talking, almost as if they wanted to pick up right where Mal had left off. Jani pretended she hadn’t seen them and tried to hurry past without catching their notice.

“Not so fast, Jani,” Nat joked and trotted up to her, “You’re in an awfully big hurry for someone who’s early, aren’t you?”

“What are you doing here?” she asked, “You never arrive before me. Hey, Cade.” Jani nodded toward the young man, who nodded back, but didn’t make any move to follow.

“Well, after that freaky guy yesterday, I figured I should be here when you got in, although I wasn’t expecting you quite this early.” Nat picked up her pace, trying to keep up with Jani, “Don’t you wonder what the heck he was doing here?”

“Not really,” Jani replied flippantly, “There are ‘nutters’ as they say all over the place these days. What makes you think this one is special?”

“I don’t know,” Nat sighed and fidgeted with her hands, clearly nervous, “It just seemed like he was willing to go farther than most other ‘nutters’, you know what I mean?”

Jani got the feeling that wasn’t the real reason Nat was so nervous—or at least not all of the reason. She was sure there was some communication that passed between her, Cade, Lucas, and Mal that all seemed related, and regardless of whether or not they suspected Jani of noticing it, it was definitely there.

It actually irritated her that none of them were willing to be straight with her. True, she always shut them down when they got too close to pushing her when it came to her lost memory, but she also knew that they were all going out of their way to hide something from her, and the more she learned about them, the less she trusted them. Somehow, she knew that Nat was aware of what had happened outside her flat the night before, and that was why she and Cade had both shown up to the museum so early.

“Crazy people are everywhere, Nat,” Jani said, waving her hand dismissively. “If you stop living your life to worry about all of them you’ll end up so paralyzed that you won’t be able to function. I’m not going to be paralyzed.”

“Okay, but if you don’t pay attention to any of them you wind up in a coma for three weeks and wake up with no memory of who you are,” Nat insisted.

“You know what, I think I’ll just meet you in the office. I need to stop by my locker first and grab my things.”

“I’ll come with you.”

Jani stopped short and turned to her coworker with an icy gaze. “Five minutes,” she scolded, “I want five minutes to myself. Think you can give me that?”

Nat pulled back, startled, and looked like she was about to cry. “Yes, Jani, you can have your five minutes,” she said quietly, and mumbled as she turned to walk away, “I do wish you would remember already…”

A sharp pang of guilt pricked Jani in her chest. She knew Nat was only being protective, and maybe she wasn’t being as careful as she should be, but her knee jerk reaction to anyone fussing over her was to lash out and push the other person away. Jani decided that she should be nicer to Nat, and at least try to appreciate that her annoying surveillance came from a place of concern and not some desire to irritate the hell out of her.

Turning towards the locker room, she refocused and looked around. No one else was there, so she felt alright going in, but when she reached her locker, she was met with a sight she wasn’t expecting.

Her locker was open.

Not broken, just open, as if someone had input the correct combination—or cleanly hacked the lock—and had rummaged through her things. She didn’t keep much in there, but a few items had been moved around and carelessly placed back inside. Most suspiciously, her security badge for the administrative area was missing.

Jani removed her thermos and coffee mug and took them both directly to the kitchenette in the staff area and washed them thoroughly, then put them into her bag. Maybe she was being a little paranoid, but it didn’t hurt to be careful. She wasn’t about to put anything in her mouth that she hadn’t personally inspected, not after a stranger had put their hands all over her things.

Before making her way to the admin offices, she stopped by the security desk and reported her missing badge and her locker having been broken into. She was taking so long about getting to work that Nat came back out looking for her.

“Hey, what’s wrong? I thought you said five minutes,” she asked tentatively, hoping not to upset her workmate.

“Sorry, Nat, but someone broke into my locker and stole my security badge. I had to report it and get a new one.”

“There ya are, Miss Liath,” the security guard said with a pleasant Irish lilt, using her second name as he handed her a new badge and clip. “And if you notice anything else suspicious, let security know straight away. The Director’s got the lot of us on high alert. I’m surprised the hallion got past us at all, but they must have done so overnight when there’s less in the way of guard patrolling the premises.”

“Thanks, Oliver, I’ll do that.” With that, she turned to Nat and the pair made their way to their office. Jani knew that she wouldn’t be left alone, but there was so much going on in her head that she couldn’t focus on even the simplest task, and her coworker had noticed it.

“You’re really distracted, Jani,” Nat said, “Maybe you should take a break for a while. I can handle the visitors at the exhibit today. You could set the lights down and listen to some music, or even take a nap if you like. I’ll be back at lunchtime, and I could grab us both something from the taco pod.”

Jani rubbed her eyes and leaned onto her desk. “You know, I might just take you up on that, thanks Nat. I’ve got a headache that doesn’t seem to be going away, and I didn’t sleep all that well last night.”

“More dreams?”

“Something like that,” Jani answered vaguely. “Anyways, I don’t want to keep you from your work. I’m sure I’ll feel better in a little while.”

“Alright, but if you need anything, be sure to message me.” Hesitantly, Nat moved towards the door. “You will message me if you need me, won’t you?”

Jani leaned back and closed her eyes. “Yes, Nat. I’ll message you if I need you.”

After she had gone, Jani was left to her own thoughts, and she slowly began sifting through them. Why would someone be following her around and stealing her things? Did they want access to the museum or something in the admin area that the public couldn’t get to? Why was she being targeted specifically and not admin staff in general?

‘No, I don’t think I’m asking myself the right questions,’ she pondered wearily, ‘As far as I’m aware, there weren’t any problems like this until after the terrorist attack. Maybe I’m being targeted because I’m one of the few survivors.’ Even though she didn’t want to think of the bomb going off and killing all of those people, she forced herself to review what all she’d been told about it, after she’d awakened from the coma.

The Lucarn exhibit had been open for less than two hours when it happened. There were CG Representatives there that worked closely with the Lucarn, and the Lucarn Commander was there with an entire detachment of his personal Guard.

If anyone should have been able to survive such an attack, it would have been the Guard at the very least. They had some sort of defensive abilities and equipment that provided them with a measure of protection from certain kinds of attacks. Perhaps the blast caught them off guard, or it was more devastating than they could handle.

All of the human victims had died pretty much instantly, which made her wonder why she should have survived at all, let alone with as mild of injuries as she had.

Sure, she’d been in a coma for a few weeks and had lost all memory of herself, but she remembered everything else, so far as she could tell. She just couldn’t associate herself with the world around her, and that’s where she was getting stuck. In order to make things make sense, she had done a whole lot of assuming when she’d first woken up.

Absently, Jani pushed her dark, wavy hair to the side and ran a finger over the scar she’d gotten from that blast. If she didn’t think about it she could almost forget that it was there.

She tried to picture the Lucarn Commander at the exhibit, Kiyl Mick. She’d been told that he wasn’t too far from where she was standing when the blast went off, but for some reason she couldn’t place him close to herself in that exact moment.

She felt like there was someone else there, someone she loved and missed. If there was someone else, and if they had survived, she was sure that they could have answered all of her questions, no problem.

Inexplicably, a tear slid down her cheek, jarring her out of her memory. Memory? Yes, she now remembered the moment the bomb went off, not as a dream, but an actual event. She hadn’t before, but when she tried to place herself there with the Lucarn, it came back to her. It was hazy, and a lot of details were missing, but it was definitely there.

She knew that she had lost someone close to her. She felt the loss like a gnawing hole in her heart, more intense than any of her nightmares, and the waking reality of the realization was a pain she pulled sharply away from.

Jani jumped up, feeling restless again. She needed air and she needed to move. After she had left the museum, she messaged Nat, letting her know that she was through with work for the day and was going home.

Halfway back, she changed her mind and instead headed for her therapist’s office.

Chapter Four

“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Doctor Lamb,” Jani said as she sat down on the couch and held a decorative pillow on her lap.

“You’re lucky I had an opening in my schedule. I don’t usually,” Lamb smiled at her warmly and folded her hands on her lap. “Now, what can I do for you, Jani?”

“Well, to be completely honest with you, I’m not sure,” Jani fidgeted with a thread that had caught and begun unraveling from the sleeve of her sweater. “I think I’m remembering something from the day of the attack, and I don’t really know what to do with it…”

The doctor nodded her head and gave her the space to talk, but when the young woman didn’t elaborate, she gave a gentle nudge, listing off a few things, encouraging her to choose one, “Are you remembering a feeling, an event, a person, a face?”

“Well, I did remember a face the other day, but that’s not what I’m dealing with, at least not here.” Jani hesitated for only a moment more, then decided to commit to voicing her concerns, “I think… there was someone else with me when the bomb went off, someone close to me, but I don’t know who it could have been.”

“You told me the museum gave you a list of the casualties from the bombing when we first started our sessions. Did you look it over? I mean, really look it over?”

“I did,” she answered, then looked down again, realizing that she hadn’t actually absorbed any information for the first few days after she’d woken up from the coma, and had been avoiding certain topics altogether. “At least, I thought I did. I haven’t looked at it since then. In my head I understand that all of those people died, but I just haven’t been able to feel much of anything for them—sadness, grief, regret… Not until now.”

Lamb paused and gave her a moment. “And you feel that now, for this person you can’t remember?”

“Yes.”

“Grief and sadness are a natural reaction to what you went through, Jani, and even if you can’t remember each individual who was there, you were no doubt close to at least someone who lost their life. It’s normal to have those kinds of feelings. It just proves that you’re human.”

“Yes, but… but you don’t understand, Doctor,” Jani’s fidgeting intensified and her eyes stung from her sadness, “It’s my fault. Somehow, it’s my fault, and someone I love died because of me.”

Doctor Lamb spoke soothingly as she pushed a tissue box closer to the distraught woman. “You can’t pull that kind of responsibility upon yourself, Jani,” she reasoned, “It’s really quite common to feel survivor’s guilt, although I am surprised it’s taken you this long to actually feel it. But there’s no way you could have been to blame for what happened that day. I do hope you can understand that.”

Jani paused for a minute and tried to take in her words, to believe them. The pain she felt had hit her so hard and so fast that she almost wished she hadn’t survived the attack. Remembering this person that she’d lost had opened her mind up to the realization that there might be others she missed, or who were missing her, and she felt that much guiltier.

She had survived where others had not, and she couldn’t even do anything to make that count. She’d gotten used to her mundane, comfortable little life, and she didn’t want to leave the safe, warm place she’d found. Facing what happened felt like too painful of an experience to endure.

“I guess I haven’t been trying hard enough to remember,” Jani admitted, quietly plucking a tissue from the box as she took a moment to compose herself.

After another pause, Doctor Lamb spoke again, “Why do you think you don’t want to remember what happened? Are you afraid that if you find out who you are, you won’t like what you discover?”

“Maybe.”

“I wonder if it’s the knowledge that frightens you, or if it’s the responsibility to act upon that knowledge that frightens you so. You’re far too conscientious a personality not to care, Jani. I’ve known that about you since our first sessions together. I know it may not be comfortable to push yourself towards your goal, and it will hurt, but you have to let it hurt or you’ll never get through it.”

“I suppose…”

“I know it’s difficult, but shutting everything out will only prolong your pain, and you may wind up suffering more in the end if you don’t allow yourself the space to heal. It’s normal to have good days and bad, but I want you to remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to experience it, in whatever form it comes.”

“Right…” Jani sighed and looked out the window. It was a cold, but sunny day, and she wondered what she’d be doing at that very moment if the bomb had never gone off, if no one had died, if she hadn’t lost all memory and recognition of herself.

“What are you thinking of, Jani?” Lamb cocked her head to one side and asked gently.

“I don’t know who I was, I only know who I am now. Some of my friends have been pushing me to remember, and I’m getting tired of people telling me who I am and what I want. As if they have any clue…”

Lamb nodded her head once again, with understanding shining in her eyes. “You’d like to be left alone?”

“Sometimes.”

“Perhaps a few days rest would help. It sounds like you’ve hit on a few big things, and your mind will likely need some time to process it all. I recommend that you take the next two or three days off and decompress,” she said, smiling at Jani. “Your work ethic doesn’t seem to have slowed down in the slightest these last few months, and I think it’s time you stopped ignoring the things that are trying to make their way back to the light. You never know, it might be less painful than you imagine it will be, but it’s still good to have some quiet every now and again, even for someone without amnesia.”

“That’s good advice, Doctor, thank you. I’ll do my best to follow it.”

“Will you be needing some type of medical authorization to get the time off of work?”

“I doubt it,” Jani replied, shaking her head and sitting up a little straighter. “Nat’s been trying to get me to take some time off for a while now, and the Director has already unofficially authorized it. Now that the exhibit has reopened, there’s much less pressure, and no new deadlines have been set. I wonder how long they’ll keep two Lucarn experts on their payroll. We’ve got visitors and students coming to see the exhibit, but I’d imagine they’ll keep Nat on for the long term, and at some point I’ll have to find something else…”

“Let’s not look too far ahead,” Lamb suggested, “Best not to let the anxiety get out of hand and rob you of the rest you so obviously need.”

“Rest…” Jani echoed, her eyes unfocused while the pale blue of her irises softly swirled and shimmered with an almost ethereal luminance. It was something the doctor had noticed about her whenever she got lost in thought, and couldn’t decide if it was something special about the way the blue seemed to sparkle in the afternoon sunshine, or if she was simply imagining it. Whatever it was, it was beautiful.

As she stood up, she put a hand on Jani’s shoulder, drawing her gaze back from the window to herself. “Why don’t you call me in a few days and let me know how you’re doing?” she suggested, her smile warm with understanding. “We could schedule a follow-up appointment from there. Depending on how you’re feeling, of course.”

“Thanks, Doctor,” Jani tossed her tissue into the waste bin and stood up to leave. “I guess I’ll… keep you posted.”

“Very good. Take care of yourself, Jani.”

Jani exited the office and made her way to the elevator bank, but then decided instead to take the stairs down to the lobby. She needed to feel her body moving, and Lamb’s office was on the fifteenth floor, so that gave her a decent amount of time to let her mind mull over everything while she descended.

She had so much to sort through, and she wondered if a few days would be enough time to deal with such intense emotions. Jani sighed, knowing that Nat would most likely question her about it if she gave any details at all, and for a minute she contemplated going back to work and acting like nothing was wrong. In the end, she decided to take the doctor’s advice and return to her flat and rest.

It bothered her that she didn’t know who this other person was that she’d remembered, and it made her feel even worse that she felt responsible for their death. In her mind she knew that it was an irrational conclusion to jump to, and there really was no way she had been the cause of such a tragedy, but she just couldn’t shake the feeling. When she tried to rationalize it, all that came into her head was the face of Kiyl Mick, disappointment in his eyes, and a weighted pain that sat tightly on her chest.

‘I should message Nat, let her know I’m going to need a few days,’ Jani thought as she reached the ground floor.

As she was just about to pull out her handheld and start typing, she caught a glimpse through the vestibule of dark curls sticking out from underneath a winter cap. Mal was outside the small office building and was anxiously looking in all directions, no doubt searching for her.

Again, Jani felt an uneasiness growing in her core. He must have followed her—there was no way he just happened to be there at that very moment, and he had mentioned earlier that he was off of work for the day. Nat must have told him that she’d left, and he was checking the places he knew she frequented in order to find her.

“Stalker…” she murmured and backed away.

Jani decided it was best not to confront him, because that was what would most certainly happen if she exited the building and spoke with him, and she couldn’t predict how that would turn out. Instead, she headed for a side exit, hoping to slip past him and make her way back to her flat before he could catch up. She was familiar enough with the local streets that she’d have no problem beating him home.

Slowly, she eased open the side door, wincing at the faint creak of the rusty hinges. For a half a minute, she held her breath and listened, but all she heard was the distant hum of traffic out on the main roads.

Cautiously stepping outside, her eyes swept the area from left to right, and she was relieved to find no one. For once, she could walk home on her own. Just to be safe, though, she quietly latched the door behind herself. It wasn’t an entrance, so she couldn’t get back in that way, but she could at least keep the door from slamming shut and echoing all through the narrow alleyway.

‘Phew,’ Jani breathed out and untensed, ‘I think I’m in the clear—’

Just as the thought crossed her mind, she felt a presence behind her and heard the soft crunch of snow under otherwise silent footsteps, but she wasn’t quick enough to turn and face her assailant head on. Within seconds, she felt strong arms surround her and a hand clamped over her mouth, muffling her cry of surprise and shock.

Jani inhaled sharply, prepared to scream as loudly as she possibly could, but she never got the chance. All of the sudden, the world tilted sideways and her head swam with a rushing sensation that flooded her senses. The sounds of the city around her faded, and the edges of her vision sparked and popped like crystallizing frost on glass.

Then everything went black.

—

Other books by Elle Rushing

NATIVE OF NOWHERE

Translucent Traveler

Shattered Crystal

Dispersion of Light

ANOMALOUS AXIOM

The Lost Lucarn

TBA

TBA