SHATTERED CRYSTAL
Native of Nowhere Book 2

Destiny, it seems, has plans for Kitania Celeste.

Having lived a lifetime of captivity, her family, her safety, and her innocence stolen, she’s shocked to learn that she is the only surviving heir of the ruling clan, House Grey. Now she must put aside her own fears and fight for her people, holding their fate in shaking hands. When her pursuers begin closing in, will she be able to fight for herself?

“Do you agree to my terms?” Kit asked quietly. Her entire body was shaking, and the fear and anger were prominent in her voice, “The ship leaves. I stay… You don’t touch them.”

“You have ten minutes,” Lexor answered, “If you’re not outside on holo comm and the ship isn’t gone by then, I’m shooting to kill… I’ll see you soon, Kitania.”

—

Recovering from her recent distressing experience aboard Lexor’s ship, Kit’s abilities as a Lucarn are beginning to grow. But while the crew of the Criostal Geal is off world working and replenishing supplies, Kit learns the truth of her heritage and she’s faced with an impossible choice: keep on the run, or embrace her role among her people and risk exposure.

Kit dreads what could happen if Dantor was to find the ones she’s sworn to protect, and when an old enemy discovers her presence on Sollus, she again finds herself on the run. Aiming to keep the others out of harm’s way, Kit meets her pursuer head on in a gamble that could cost her everything. This time she’s pushed to the limit and lives are on the line…

Will Kit be able to accept herself and fill the unique role she’s inherited among her people, harnessing the power she possesses as the last surviving heir of House Grey?

How far is she willing to let her pursuers push her to keep the ones she loves safe?

—

Shattered Crystal picks up the action right where it left off as the second book in the Native of Nowhere trilogy. Constantly aware that her presence puts those around her at risk, Kit struggles with self-acceptance, finding comfort in community, and letting others into her heart.

When another man enters her life, actively pushing the humans away, Malcolm immediately finds himself at conflict with Rian. The heat of a slow burn builds between Malcolm and Kit in the clean romantic sub-plot (no spice), but so does her fear of losing him. She knows Dantor, and she knows he won’t hesitate to kill…

—

Chapter One

Kit moved through the marketplace in the center of the small town, careful not to draw attention to herself in any way. It was mid-morning, and most of the humans in the agricultural community were working out in their fields, but there were still those who took care of buying and selling to vendors, both local and off world. Since Sollus had stable weather year round, each farm had booths perpetually set up in the market, selling fresh produce to their fellow colonists, so there were plenty of others out and about.

The crowd wasn’t very large, but it was big enough for Kit to get lost in if she needed to. As she stretched her mental muscles, telepathically reading the mood of the crowd, she knew that she wasn’t alone. They were looking for her, and they were getting a bit too close for comfort. ‘All I have to do is finish up here and quietly make my way back to the ship,’ she thought to herself, while her heightened awareness swept the stalls and shops that lined the main road.

Earlier that day, she had left the Criostal Geal and made her way into town to pick up a few provisions to share with her shipmates. They’d been stuck on the planet for a while now, laying low after their last encounter with Lexor. He’d taken her from the Singh Station with the intention of returning her to her former master, Dantor Gretanius, and the Geal hadn’t had any work since then because of their need to keep out of sight.

Kit wanted to do something special for the crew, and she knew how much Salayah loved strawberries, so she decided the Geal could use a restock on some staples. She couldn’t think of a better way to use a few of her hard earned credits than to surprise her friends with a nice treat. They had all given up so much for her…

Distracted by her feelings of guilt, she reached up for the pendant of the necklace the Captain had given her. She had gotten into the habit of turning it over in her hands whenever she was nervous about something, but her fingers failed to find it, and she remembered; when she had left the ship earlier, she’d left her necklace with the tracker attached to it in her quarters. If anything happened, it couldn’t be relied upon to serve as an anchor to her whereabouts. This was all on her.

“How may I help you, Miss?” A middle aged man with a dark farmer’s tan selling local fruit spotted her and began his sales pitch. Torn between moving on or ducking into the booth, she hesitated long enough for the man to continue on in his mission to sell the day’s stock, and it was enough to pull Kit back to the here and now. “We have some fresh kitchia, llogans, and even an Earth delicacy called mango. Have you ever had mango, Miss?”

Kit decided she’d better interact, so she stepped closer to the man and took a look at the crates he had stacked up behind the small counter. If she didn’t look like a normal customer it would be the first thing that would stand out, and the humans she felt pursuing her would surely sense that something was out of place. Hoping she could blend in well enough to escape notice, she replied, “Oh. No, I’ve never had that. Is it good?”

The man smiled broadly and passed her a mango so she could get the feel of it in her hand. “Absolutely! You’ve never tasted anything so sweet! Go on, give it a squeeze.”

Kit squeezed the fruit gently. ‘It does feel firm,’ she thought to herself, ‘I wonder if that’s normal for this type of fruit.’ Not having any frame of reference for mango, she decided that the color of the skin was probably good, but the firmness might indicate that it wasn’t quite ripe enough to eat yet. Perhaps in a few days it would be ready to eat alongside the strawberries she’d already purchased.

“Feels nice. How much for two of them?” she asked. While she spoke to the man, she tried to reach back out and evaluate the mood of the crowd again, but having a conversation and stretching her telepathic range were two things she still found very difficult to balance, and she was feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

“They’re a half credit each, but if you buy six, for a pretty redhead like you, I’ll let you have ‘em for two credits. What do you say, Miss?” The man smiled and winked at her, then started gathering up more mangos, anticipating a sale.

Kit tried to quickly work out in her head how much of a savings that would be. Math wasn’t her specialty, and with so many other things pressing on her mind, there just wasn’t space enough for any calculations. She had to keep her focus on the crowd. It felt like they were closing in.

Eager to be finished with her shopping and on her way, Kit agreed, “Sure. I’ll share them with my shipmates. I think our engineer is particularly fond of these types of fruits.” With that she handed the man two credits and quickly put the mangos into a cloth bag she had bought at one of the other stalls beside the fresh bunch of strawberries. ‘Steady now,’ she said to herself, ‘You don’t want to look like you’re in too big of a hurry.’ Without a clear exit, Kit’s nervousness was starting to get to her, and it was showing through in the way her hands shook. That was always a dead giveaway…

Thankfully, the farmer hadn’t noticed it, so she made an effort to smile politely and conclude their transaction. “Thank you for your business, Miss.” The man smiled back at the young woman and tipped his hat, “If you find yourself in the market for some more fruit, you just be sure and come on back! ‘Ol Tobias here has new crops every month!”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

As she turned away from the fruit stall, Kit concentrated again on the marketplace. She’d gotten used to telepathically reading the crowd enough that she no longer needed to sit still on a bench with her eyes closed, but all the sensory input still felt like a jumble. Maybe she should have chosen a different time of day for this excursion. The sun felt like a spotlight, shining directly on the ginger red of the hair she’d chosen for this form, giving her an almost copper golden halo.

‘I need to find some shade. And I need to practice this more often…’ Kit chastised herself for not having spent more time on these types of exercises, ‘You never know when it will mean your life. Or someone else’s.’

Once again, she felt it - there was definitely someone in the crowd that was looking for her, and they were closer than they’d been the last time she reached out. ‘Crap!’ she swore as she paused beneath one of the arches that made up an overhead walkway connecting the buildings from one side of the street to the other, ‘Time to go.’

Unwilling to let herself get locked up hesitating, she hastily ducked in between a small group that was shopping for provisions and another group crowding the local taco stand, hurrying on her way. The marketplace was situated in the center of town, along the wide main road, and it took her a good few minutes to cross over to the other side and head back south the way she came.

Kit decided to keep to the stalls and shops around the perimeter, avoiding the open space in the middle of the market, and paused every so often to make it look like she might still be shopping. When a woman at the fabric and crafts shop caught sight of her (and asked if she was looking for anything in particular), she politely excused herself and returned to her course.

Anxious that she might have spent too much effort focusing on looking normal, Kit picked up the pace. It was a few minutes walk through the winding streets that led to the small square near the cliffs at the edge of the settlement, and there weren’t as many people in the streets here, but there wasn’t anywhere else for her to go at this point. ‘If I can get past the square without being noticed, I can make my way back to the ship,’ she thought hopefully to herself.

The Criostal Geal was located in a clearing only a few miles to the east of town, far enough away so as to not be easily noticed, but still close enough to be reached on foot relatively quickly. That landing location had been chosen by the first mate because they could avoid having any records kept of the ship’s comings or goings at one of the town’s public landing pads, and they didn’t want any chance that their presence on the planet could be discovered.

Sollus had become sort of a home base for the crew, mostly because Kit had support from the old woman in training her Lucarn abilities. Although the Geal could be seen from the air, from the surface it was quite well hidden. But if she had picked up a tail, Kit couldn’t risk heading that direction - Lexor might take her alive, but that didn’t necessarily hold true for the rest of her crew.

Quickly, she evaluated her surroundings and took in her options. She could return to the market and try to get lost in the crowd, hoping that there were enough people there to dissuade her pursuers from confronting her openly. That hadn’t worked out so well for her in the past, though, and the last thing she wanted to do was to put anyone else in the crosshairs if she was to be found. No… she couldn’t turn around now.

Instead, she decided to make her way to the inn. The tavern out front would no doubt be full of people at this hour, so she wouldn’t be caught alone. Most importantly, there would be no children. Perhaps some of her shipmates were having a meal there, and she could join their group.

Willow would be in the tavern (and probably Lux, too), and Kit could reach out to her telepathically while she was on her way. She’d gotten a much better handle on her mental capabilities since she had been able to practice with another telepath. The old woman did seem to have quite a large range, but Kit was still learning how to multi-task (telepathically speaking), and she knew she would have to focus on her silent communication instead of continuing to monitor her immediate surroundings. It would be a risk, but she didn’t feel like there was any other choice. Maybe Willow would let her go straight upstairs, and she could avoid the public area altogether.

If she could just make it to the door-

“Hold it right there, Red.”

Kit’s nervous pace suddenly came to a halt, and she froze at the sound of a man’s voice with a deep southern accent, walking just behind her. Within seconds, her petite shadow was swallowed up by his, blocking out the bright morning sunshine.

‘Damn,’ she swore to herself, ‘They found me.’

Chapter Two

Slowly, Kit turned around and looked up into the big man’s face. There was another man following along behind him, not quite as tall as he was, but large all the same. “Okay, Santus,” she sighed, “You win… Again.”

They had done this exercise so many times in the last few months, but it seemed that no matter how many different evasion tactics she employed, he always found her, and she was really starting to get frustrated with her lack of progress.

Kit had learned a lot about how to efficiently shapeshift thanks to Willow’s instruction, and she was much better at creating a human body from her own imagination, rather than simply copying someone else’s form, but her growth had plateaued, and there was something holding her back. It was a brick wall that she kept running up against, although she wasn’t really sure what it was that she had such trouble breaking through.

The way they had been working out their practice was that Santus would give her a thirty minute head start, she’d change both her human form and her clothes, and she would choose a section of the small town to mill around in for a while. Once the thirty minutes were up, he’d then try to find her before she made it back to the ship. Not once had she succeeded in eluding his pursuit.

“It almost worked, Kitti girl,” he offered, noting the look of irritation and disappointment in her heather green eyes, “I wasn’t expecting a redhead, and it took us longer to find you than it has the last few times.”

Kit exhaled, her breath sharp and bitter. It was kind of him to try and make her feel better, but she knew that she needed to master stealth if she, or the crew, were ever to be truly safe. Until she got the thoroughness of the shift down, she’d be at risk of discovery, and that would put the entire crew in danger. It was why they’d been grounded on Sollus for so long.

Santus was the ship’s engineer, and he had been working with the first mate, Ian, to study the device that the Captain had taken from Lexor’s ship when they’d rescued Kit and brought her home. She looked down at the small device in Santus’ hands and cursed its existence. If she could just shapeshift to the fullest degree, her Lucarn biology wouldn’t set it off, but so long as the crystalline nature of her true body lay underneath the human facade she wore, she would always set that device off, no matter what form she took.

“We can try again later,” the Captain said, stepping out from behind Santus, one hand shoved in his pocket and the other hanging loose by his side. Kit found his thick, Scottish accent comforting. She’d grown accustomed to the sound of his voice, and she focused on it whenever the anxiety crawled up her spine like an electric current that threatened to lash out. “Come on. You can shift on the way back.” Malcolm put his arm out to Kit, and she took it as the trio started for the ship.

As soon as they were out of the square and well on their way back to the Geal, Kit’s skin softly glowed a pale blue gray, and she shifted back into her usual human form. No matter how many times Malcolm watched her do it, it still fascinated him to see her body give off a gentle light while her face and form changed. Santus had gone on ahead and it was just the two of them, walking back at a leisurely pace, her hand in the crook of his arm and his opposite hand now over top of hers.

As they walked on, he looked down sideways and took in the shape of her. With her white hair flowing long and loose behind her, shining in the morning sunlight and her pale skin gleaming, she really did look like the white gem that the Captain had renamed his ship after. The only thing missing was her smile.

He knew that she was agitated, and he wished more than anything that he could make things easier for her somehow. They’d had to keep under the radar and revamp everything about the ship so as to evade Dantor and his mercenaries, but Malcolm couldn’t think of anything more appropriate than dedicating his ship - his home - to protecting the beautiful, kindhearted woman that now held onto his arm.

“I’m never going to get this right, am I?” Kit asked with her eyes downcast and the disappointment prominent in her voice.

“You’ll get there, Kit,” he reassured her, gently squeezing her hand in his, “Just give yourself some time.”

“We don’t have time,” she argued, “The Geal needs some contracts, and soon. We’ve been here on Sollus for too long without work, but if I go with you, without being able to avoid detection, I’ll be putting you all at risk.” Kit had hoped that she would have been able to master her shapeshifting abilities by now, but her progress was coming along so slowly that it only irritated her every time she tried.

Ian and Santus hadn’t been able to figure out a way to disable the device, either, despite the months they’d spent studying its function. It detected Lucarn biology too easily, and human bodies were just so different in their molecular structure that anyone on any station carrying one of the dratted little things would be able to find her so quickly, she might as well be walking around in her native form. There was no telling how many of them Dantor had, or his lackey, Lexor.

“I know, Kit. I think we might need to consider doing a few jobs while you stay here on Sollus. It’s the safest place for you right now.” Malcolm didn’t want to think about spending any time away from her, but he also couldn’t risk her being found and taken again. A few contract jobs just weren’t worth it.

She knew that what he was saying made sense, and she couldn’t argue against it, so she sighed and continued walking in silence. She was well aware that the crew of the Criostal Geal had shrunk in size significantly in recent months, so that even one crew member down would make more work for everyone else. It was really just the core personnel that were left, and it made her feel incredibly guilty needing to stay behind.

If she did stay on Sollus, she’d have to figure something out for accommodations. On the ship she had her quarters, but on the planet she had nowhere to go. Sure, she could ask Willow if she could stay at the inn, and she’d probably let her, but Kit didn’t want to do that. If she attracted attention to the inn and anyone found her there, they would undoubtedly find out that the old woman was Lucarn as well, and Kit wasn’t sure she was strong enough to fight anyone off, or even run.

Kit had learned that Willow was over 140 years old. ‘I’m not as young as I used to be, child,’ she had said. 140 was up in age for a Lucarn, and she really should have retired by now, but she kept on, running both the inn and the tavern personally. She was stubborn that way.

‘Perhaps I could ask Willow about staying with the other Lucarn…’ Kit pondered the possibility thoughtfully. She knew there were others, she just wasn’t sure where they were, and although the old woman said she had told them that the crew had requested help from one of them in devising a way to deactivate the detector devices, no one had stepped forward. Not that she blamed them - Kit was already a walking target, and anyone that became entangled with her or the crew was sure to end up a target themselves.

Malcolm looked down at her anxious expression while they walked, sensing the young woman’s unease. “What are you thinking about, Kitania?” he asked quietly.

“I’m not sure where to stay while you all are gone,” she answered, reluctantly accepting the circumstances. “The only two Lucarn that I know of on this planet are Willow and Lux. I have no idea where the others are, or even how many of them there are.” Kit’s nervousness refused to settle down, and she continued on, “What if me being here is a bad idea for them? What if they don’t want me here?”

Malcolm had thought that they would have learned more about her people as well, but it seemed they weren’t as open and forthcoming as he had initially hoped. He was disappointed too, for Kit’s sake. She had been alone for so long, decades, and all that time she’d thought that the rest of her people had been killed off and there were none left. “I don’t know about any of that, Kit, but I do have a bit of an idea about where you could stay,” he told her.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve been working on some blueprints for a small house.” He looked sideways at her again, smiling that lopsided smile he had for her alone.

“What? You want to build a house? A house?” Kit asked, surprised by the suggestion. It was the last thing she would have thought of herself. It sounded like too much of an expense, and quite a lot of work. Surely there was no need for him to go so far out of his way, and she didn’t want to be any more of a burden on him than she already was.

Malcolm knew what she was thinking simply by taking in the expression on her face, but he also knew that she understood him well enough by now to know that he didn’t look at the situation the same way she did; he would do what he decided, and he would ask for nothing in return.

“Of course, I’d need some feedback from you, just to make sure it’s alright,” he said, seeing that his idea had gotten her attention. Looking up at him were two big blue gray eyes, with shining flecks of silver dancing just behind them, which seemed to change ever so slightly with her mood. It was something he was sure she had learned from the old woman.

“That’s… Well, it’s awfully nice of you, Malcolm. I- I don’t know what to say…” she stuttered, taken aback by his proposal. It was still so strange to her, the thought of anyone wanting to do something for her without seeking repayment, or demanding something from her that she didn’t have to give. “Do you really think I’d need something like that, though? I mean, I know I can’t shift well enough right now to join the crew off world, but I’m still hoping I can make some progress with Willow. Unless you think it would be best for me to leave the crew, at least for the time being, but I know you wouldn’t think that. I mean, you really shouldn’t-”

“It’s not like that,” he interrupted, gently cutting her off to keep her negative thoughts from compounding, “There’s no need for you to leave the crew, Kit, it would only be a temporary arrangement. I know you’ll get the shifting down, you just need some time to work on it without putting so much pressure on yourself. I know it’s stressful practicing with Santus following along behind you with that darn device, but maybe if you had some time to yourself it wouldn’t feel so overwhelming.”

“But a house?” she repeated, still confused, “Wouldn’t that be too much work for a ‘temporary arrangement’?”

“I don’t think so,” he shrugged, “When we get back to the ship I’ll show you some of my ideas. I don’t think it’ll take very long to build. It isn’t that large, and it wouldn’t offer a lot in the way of creature comforts, but it would be yours. And I think I have the perfect spot for it as well.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“I’m sure.”

Kit was intrigued, and without realizing it, she picked up her pace just a bit. He could sense the change in her from slight apprehension to a cautious excitement, and he quickened his pace as well.

Malcolm smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait to show her what he had planned.

Chapter Three

Kit couldn’t believe it, but her small home took only a few days to build. It wasn’t anything like she’d initially envisioned: a large structure, built on a foundation with siding, roofing, doors, and windows to match the structures that already existed there on Sollus. All she really needed was something about the size of her quarters on the Geal, and she felt that building a whole house would take way too long and would completely break whatever was left of the Captain’s budget.

Instead, Malcolm had chosen to build a small one-room treehouse in her clearing by the Geal’s landing spot. It had a roof, a retractable ladder, a small futon taken from the crew quarters aboard the ship, a foldable table, a chest, and a pantry. It wasn’t fancy, but it would do the job, and it would allow her to stock up a little on food.

The fact that it was small and unassuming made Kit feel much better about having to be left behind, and it seemed that Malcolm knew her better than she knew herself. She hadn’t considered a treehouse, but it made her feel safe to be able to retreat to a structure up off the ground (very similar to the way her people lived on their home world, back when she was a child), and the simplicity of it calmed her anxiety about costing so much to build. In the end, she felt it was a perfect solution to a complicated problem.

Kit liked that it was close to town, but still out of the way enough to escape notice. There wasn’t a road that led up to it, or any indication that it was there. You couldn’t even see it from the ground in the clearing, so it would be a good hiding place as well. She wasn’t expecting that, but the design Malcolm had come up with took into account the surrounding flora, and even the way the daylight cut through the foliage of the willow trees from sunrise to sunset.

“Of course, it doesn’t have running water, but the river close by should be all that you need,” Malcolm said once they had finished, looking up at his handiwork with Kit there beside him, “And since Sollus is so temperate, you won’t need anything for heating or cooling. I’d like to have built you something a bit more permanent, but we’ve already established that this will be a temporary arrangement anyways… The Geal will be back just as soon as we can get through the few contracts we’ve got lined up, but in the meantime, I hope this will suffice.”

Kit thought back to her first two nights on the planet. The temperature could not have been more comfortable, and it never really rained. It was always a little misty, but all in all, she found it very easy to sleep outside, and in her view this was a palace in comparison with the rough camping (if it could be called that) that she’d had to do back then.

“I love it,” she said, looking up at him with a hint of soft lavender in her eyes, which he had learned meant that she felt content. “Thank you, Malcolm.” She still couldn’t believe that she had a place of her own, and while she really didn’t want to be left behind, at least this tiny place would afford her a measure of freedom and privacy.

“You are most welcome.” Malcolm swept a strand of silky, white hair from her eyes, hooked it behind her ear, and leaned down to kiss her forehead. He’d gotten in the habit of doing so, ever since he’d brought her home, but only when none of the rest of the crew were around.

It had taken Kit a while to get used to it, but she did appreciate his way of showing affection for her. It was a kiss that didn’t ask anything from her, and that made her feel safe. “And you should have plenty of time to practice your telepathy and shapeshifting with Willow,” he continued on, “Maybe without the crew here you’ll be able to focus more.”

“I hope so,” Kit frowned, “I have yet to meet any other Lucarn… Maybe while you all are gone I can try to press Willow or Lux for more information.”

“You’ll have to be careful, and be gentle with them. If it takes them anywhere near as long as it took you to trust, you’ll have quite a task on your hands.”

As he finished speaking they heard footsteps approaching. At least the fallen leaves were good for that; they would let Kit know if anyone was coming, especially if they weren’t used to walking in a way that would muffle the sound.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Salayah said as she came into view, a huge smile plastered on her face. Kit hadn’t initially expected the ship’s navigator to become such a close friend, but she felt like a sister to Salayah. Today, her beautiful braids were wrapped up in a high bun on the top of her head, and she had left a few face framing honey blonde accents down to sweep in front of her obsidian black eyes, making them pop in the mid-day sunshine.

Kit pointed to a small box she was carrying that was full of various items, “Hey Layah. What have you got there?”

“Oh, you know me. Compulsive decorator. Couldn’t leave you here without filling your place up with stuff that’ll make you feel at home. We’ve got to make sure you think of us every day, you know.” She set the box down and started pulling things out, one by one. “Here’s a green cotton throw blanket, a small camping light, a compact power cell and your handheld and charger, among other things. If I’m going to have to do without you for any length of time, at least we can message each other.”

Kit chuckled and accepted the box from her. Salayah was always so thoughtful, trying to make Kit’s life more colorful and more comfortable. “Thanks, Layah,” she said, “These will really come in handy.”

“No problem, chickie. Just think of it as a sort of discount housewarming gift. Part of what’s in there is yours anyways,” she pointed out, “although I did include a few things that’ll make your outdoor home a bit more bearable.”

“Oh yeah?” Kit rummaged through the contents of the box, wondering what she could be referring to.

“Well, I know you usually stick to plain colors, and I know why, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to add at least a little pop to your wardrobe with a few warm cardigans.”

Troubled, Malcolm’s brows hooked low on his forehead and he inserted himself into the conversation, “What exactly did you get, Layah? You know Kit can’t afford to draw attention to herself, she’s got to be as invisible as possible.”

“You mean as drab as possible,” Salayah retorted, rolling her eyes at the anxious concern she heard in his voice. “I said I got her something more colorful, not bright. Trust me, she can still be ‘invisible’ without restricting herself to different shades of slate gray.”

Pulling out a few things, she ran each one by her Captain before tucking them back into the box, much to Kit’s amusement. She didn’t mind wearing ‘drab’ clothing, but she appreciated how her best friend always added a little something extra. Salayah was the most thoughtful and generous person she’d ever known.

After every item had been given the Malcolm Orso stamp of approval, things seemed to be settling out, at least so far as Kit could tell. ‘I guess they’ll be leaving soon…’ she sighed to herself, again feeling guilty about having to be left behind, ‘If only I could have made more progress…’

“Why don’t you put these things away and we can go have dinner with the crew?” Malcolm suggested, effectively drawing her attention back to the present, “No doubt the others will want to spend as much time as they can with you before we go.”

“Right.” Kit climbed up to her new home and used a simple pulley device Santus had installed for her to bring the box up to the small landing, and began unpacking.

“You think she’ll be alright here on her own, Malcolm?” Salayah asked her Captain, unable to mask her concern. She fretted over Kit more than anyone else on the crew, except perhaps for him, and she knew that being apart was going to be tough on every one of them.

“She’ll be safer than if she were to come with us and be found. You know we can’t risk that.”

“What if she just stayed on the ship the whole time?”

“Do you really think she would stay on the ship?” he crossed his arms over his chest, raised an eyebrow, and looked down into Salayah’s dark, worry filled eyes.

“Huh. You’ve got a point, there.” She crossed her arms, mirroring his posture, and frowned. “Well, maybe by the time we get back she’ll be good to go with us again.”

“For some people, it  takes a while to settle into who they are, Layah,” Malcolm said, half to her and half to himself, as they looked up at the tiny house. “Kit is one of those people. She hasn’t been comfortable with herself for as long as we’ve known her, and probably for most of her life. It’ll most likely take her some time to get past whatever is holding her back. We need to be patient and give her that time.”

“She’s been doing much better since we got back here to Sollus, yeah? I think this place is good for her… Do you think that, if she can get past what’s holding her back, she’ll be able to figure out how to shift completely?” Salayah asked.

Malcolm thought about it for a moment. He didn’t know how the Lucarn changed shape, despite the fact that he’d seen Kit do it multiple times, and forming an entirely human body had to be different enough from what she was naturally that it proved such a challenge for her.

Perhaps it was an issue for her on a level so fundamental and intrinsic to her identity that she wouldn’t ever be able to create a human body until she could figure out her starting point, rather than focusing on the desired end result… How that translated to a molecular transformation, he didn’t know, but without the ability to do it himself, he had only his own theories to go on.

“I think she needs to discover who she is,” he finally said, rubbing his chin, “not what other people tell her she is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s lived her entire life around humans. She’s always been the one who’s different, and I think that’s left her feeling like she doesn’t measure up.”

“That’s crazy,” Salayah huffed, scowling at no one in particular and shrugging one shoulder with a fair bit of sass, “Kit’s an amazing person, who cares if she isn’t human? It just makes me want to smack all those people who have ever told her she’s not good enough!”

Malcolm smiled at the young woman’s defense of her best friend. He felt the same way, although he wanted to do a lot more than just smack the people who had hurt Kit… They probably had no idea how much damage they’d done to her and, what’s worse, he was sure that they didn’t care. It made him angry on a level that he didn’t often feel, and he knew he would have to rein in those emotions or Kit would sense it and then blame herself for upsetting him.

“I know, Layah,” he nodded and put a hand on her shoulder, “All we can do is be supportive and keep reassuring her. If we’re patient and consistent, maybe someday she’ll be able to see herself as we see her.”

As the pair talked, they could hear Kit softly humming while she finished putting away the items she had been gifted. They loved hearing her voice, everyone on the ship did; it let them know that she was happy, at least in the moment.

“Done!” Kit said as she swung a leg over the side of the landing and made her way back down to the grass. “Now who’s hungry?”

Chapter Four

Kit enjoyed her last evening with the crew before they turned in for the night. Provisions on the Geal had gotten rather low, but they were all able to finish up the fresh fruit she’d purchased from her last couple of trips to the marketplace, and Salayah had coffee and tea prepped for a few quiet hours after their dinner and dessert.

Less than half of the normal number of crew members were left on the ship, so supplies had lasted a bit longer than they otherwise would have. Only Malcolm, Ian, Salayah, Santus, and Davide were still there. With the Geal down to a skeleton crew, they had been able to stretch what food they had in the galley for longer than Ian initially calculated.

The others had decided to leave Sollus and either make their way to their respective homes, taking public transport from the planet’s main port, or they’d found employment aboard other starships, and headed straight into a new working situation from there.

While it wasn’t difficult to understand why they had chosen to go, it still stung Kit’s conscience to know that her presence had interrupted their lives to such an extent that they felt the need to move on. They all reassured her that their decision wasn’t based upon her remaining a part of the Criostal Geal’s crew, but deep down, she knew the truth.

In the meantime, she focused on the ones who had stayed, and she hoped they’d be able to carry out these few cargo jobs without running into too much trouble. It was a worry she was trying to suppress, but one she knew would stay in the back of her mind, at least until they returned safely. As she got ready for bed, it consumed her thoughts. It had been decided that she’d stay in her quarters one last night before transitioning completely to her new place.

She knew that the ship needed to pick up some work, and she knew that they had been grounded so long because of her, but maybe if they got back to business as usual, she wouldn’t feel so guilty about it. She didn’t want to keep them from their lives, after all.

As she lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling, she turned the pendant of her necklace in her hand. She always kept it on, except when practicing her shifting with the crew. If she had been wearing it, they would have figured out where she was no matter what form she took.

Suddenly, she wondered if Lexor had noticed it when he had held her captive on his ship. If he recognized it, it might be enough of a tell, but the thought left her anxious, so she shoved it away from herself.

‘I don’t want to think about that right now.’ Kit flipped over in her bed, trying to shut her brain down and sleep, but sleep refused to come. She wondered if Malcolm was as nervous as she was about her being on her own again. She had been with the crew for a little over a year now, and she had a hard time imagining life without them for even a short time.

Santus wanted to delay leaving for a while longer, to give her more time to practice. Kit smiled as she thought of him. He’d always been so kind to her, with more of a fatherly mentality toward her than anything else. Ian hadn’t wanted to go either, but he had the ship’s expenses on his handheld and he knew how close they were to being out of provisions. Davide was young and restless; he was ready to get traveling again.

While she lay there mulling over these worries in her head, she heard a soft knock on her door. “Hey Kit, are you still awake?” Malcolm asked quietly. It seemed he couldn’t get to sleep either.

“I’m awake,” she replied, then rolled over, tapped the lock on the door’s control panel, and switched on the light. Sitting up and sliding the soft sheets down over her lap, she said, “Come in.”

When the man entered with a few papers in his hands, Kit smiled, pointing at them. “How old fashioned.”

“Huh?” he looked down, “Oh, these. Nah, I just figured that if your handheld lost power or something, at least you could have a printout of our itinerary. This way you’ll have an idea of where we’ll be working and when we’ll be back. You can reference it if you forget. If anything changes, I’ll message you.”

“Okay.” Kit took the papers from him and paused as he sat at the foot of her bed. “Will you be alright?”

“Ah…” Malcolm nervously ran a hand through his hair, “I’ll be okay. With the Geal rebranded and re-registered I doubt we’ll come up on anyone’s radar, but if anything happens and it’s not safe for us to head back here for a while, I don’t want you to worry.”

“What do you mean?” she asked as she fidgeted with the papers in her hands. She was worried. Dantor had been looking for Malcolm after all. Maybe his form wouldn’t set off one of those detection devices the way that hers would, but it was still dangerous for him to be out and about as far as she was concerned. Not only was he known to Dantor and his people, he couldn’t change his form the same way that she could. If they ran into Lexor and his men again, they’d know him simply by looking at him.

“Well, we’ve got a few cargo jobs planned, enough to get us stocked up for the next six months,” he said, pulling her attention back to the conversation and away from her obsessive thoughts. “I can stay out of sight for the most part myself, but with you gone we’ll be down a crew member, and Davide’s the only cargo man the Geal’s got left. We’ve decided that Santus, Ian, and I will rotate shifts with him. We won’t be doing any passenger runs for the foreseeable future, though, just to be safe.”

“Sounds like you have it all planned out. I hope things go smoothly for you, and that you can make it back safely.”

Kit waited for Malcolm to say what he had come to say. ‘No way he came here just to give me these papers. He could have done that in the morning on their way out.’ Something else was on his mind, she could feel it. She knew he just needed a moment and an excuse to speak.

While he hesitated, she sat there and tried to stop fidgeting with the papers, so she set them down on her small side table and folded her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry I can’t come with you, Malcolm,” she said, attempting to keep the feelings of guilt from pouring from her soul.

“Kit…” he paused, feeling the burn of the ache in her chest as if it dwelt in his own, but then he decided to push himself. What he had to say was important. “I’ll miss you while we’re away, but I hope you can take advantage of this opportunity to spend some time with your people. You have an identity with them, a part of yourself that you just can’t get from our crew. I hope that you’ll be able to… become more comfortable with yourself, with who you are.”

Kit frowned and awkwardly shifted her position. She wasn’t comfortable with herself. Maybe that was a part of the reason that she couldn’t change forms as completely as she needed to, but she hadn’t yet figured out how to sit with the thought.

“I… I’ll try,” she mumbled and looked down at her lap.

Reaching out, Malcolm took both of her hands in his. It always struck him how much smaller they were than his own, and how smooth and soft her skin felt when he stroked her knuckles absently with his thumb. “I know you can’t always see in yourself what the rest of us see in you, and maybe it’s something that will take some time. I just want you to know that it’s okay to accept yourself for who you are. With the crew, I know you feel like you’re the one who’s different, but with your people, maybe you can feel like everyone else.”

Kit thought about that for a few seconds. He was always so perceptive and seemed to notice even the smallest signs and mannerisms that betrayed what she was really feeling; the nervous ticks and fidgeting, a quiet sigh or a quavering tone in her voice, things like that. “So, you think that I need a different perspective?” she asked.

“To a certain extent, yes,” he replied, unsure how exactly to explain what he meant. Malcolm knew that, although she was no longer a slave of Dantor physically, the chains he had put up around her heart and her mind were still there. He would do anything to reach within her and tear them out himself, but he knew that it was something only she could do, and she would probably be fighting this fight for the rest of her life.

Kit knew what he was getting at, but she didn’t know how to go about working on it in practice. Understanding something intellectually and feeling it emotionally were two very different things. The emotions were a brick wall that sometimes seemed insurmountable. She looked up at him, pale blue eyes in the dim light. “How do I do that?”

“Well, I know that your life has been very difficult, to say the least. But through it all you have emerged a kind and caring person, maybe more so than anyone I’ve ever met. The next time you think you’re not good enough or you feel like you don’t fit in, I want you to remember…” Malcolm paused again, feeling a small lump in his throat and the burn in his chest intensifying. ‘Why is talking to her so easy and yet so hard?’ he wondered to himself.

“Yes?” Kit held his hands as he had held hers, squeezing slightly to convey her reassurance, and she could feel his grip tighten in response.

“I- The crew… we love you just the way you are. And we wouldn’t trade you for the world.” As he looked down at their hands, he brought one of hers up to his lips and softly kissed it, brushing her knuckles with his thumb once again, as if it was something precious. “You’re special, Kitania.”

Gently, he put her hands back down on the blanket and withdrew to his own space. The tightness in his chest had begun to expand, and he knew that if he didn’t stop and take a moment to breathe, things would only get awkward. She was incredibly adept at reading his emotional state, and he had to put forth great effort to hold back the longing he felt, the desire he had to reach across the space between them, to take her in his arms and hold her close to himself, blocking out everything else while the rest of the galaxy melted away to a blur of light and dark, and sounds that lost the bite to their edge, fading away until there was nothing left.

Malcolm had never been great at expressing his feelings, but he had never felt this way about anyone before. He meant it when he said she was special, although he was sure she didn’t agree. He could see in her eyes the kind of person she was, and she grew more and more beautiful to him with each passing day.

He couldn’t imagine his life without her, and he never wanted to. But he didn’t want to embarrass her, or frighten her, so he decided to end the conversation and leave it at that.

Slowly, he stood up to leave. “I hope you can get some good sleep tonight, Kit. I’ll see you in the morning,” he said and then glanced down at her, hoping he could hide his apprehension with a smile.

With that, Kit exhaled and smiled back at the man. Unconsciously, she’d been holding her breath; she knew he had more to say, but it was apparently very difficult for him. Not wanting to press him, she simply replied, “You too. Goodnight, Malcolm.”

As she tucked back into bed, pulling the warm fabric up over her shoulders, he shut the light off and sighed. Tapping the control panel, he turned his head to one side as the door quietly closed behind himself.

—

Other books by Elle Rushing

NATIVE OF NOWHERE

Translucent Traveler

Shattered Crystal

Dispersion of Light